Michelle’s Rules for how to not be an insane “natural” parent:

1. Magic cures and fix-alls do not work. Just say no to coconut oil, baltic amber, aromatherapy, magic crystals, and other weird hippy crap.

2. get vaccinated, but maybe not all at the same time.

3. don’t let your baby cry for ages, but give her 15-30 seconds to adjust and calm down when you introduce her to something new or put her to bed.

4. Being a parent means sometimes you have to say no. Especially to things like jumping off couches and screaming in food stores.

5. Safety first, see numbers 4,2,and 1.

6. In our attempts to raise free-thinking, liberated, happy babies, let’s not ditch manners. They matter.

7. If you buy a can of baby food, or use a paper diaper, you are not the devil, you are making a personal choice.

8. Gluten, food dyes, and dairy products will not make your child have ADHD. Give them normal food until a medical professional tells you they are allergic. See number 9.

9. Don’t try to self-diagnose, or diagnose your children. There is a reason doctors aren’t allowed to practice on themselves or their families.

10. Love. Love love love love love. Love your child, love your partner, love yourself, and put love first. The dishes, laundry, and muddy shoes can wait. But not forever. We don’t want to live in crazy houses now do we.

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